Happy Birthday Baby!

Hasn’t that first year flown by?

Now our baby is no longer a baby, but becoming a little person. Most are mobile - at least crawling or wriggling around on their bottoms, and quite a few are walking. Some are starting to talk, or at least make themselves understood. This all presents new challenges.

In this section I will give an idea of what your 12 month old might be up to in his routine, and a little look at the next few months ahead.

A 12 month old often has a routine similar to that of the rest of the family. It might look like this:

1. ★7am - wake, milk feed, breakfast, playpen etc.
   

2. ★10am - nap
   

3. ★11.30/12 pm - lunch (incl. milk), play etc
   

4. ★3 - 5 pm - nap, afternoon tea drink/snack
   

5. ★5.30 - bath
   

6. ★6 pm dinner (incl. milk)
   

7. ★7.00 - final milk drink (if needed)
   

8. ★7.30 - bed
   

9. 
   

Feedtime.

At 12 months, most mealtimes will be close to lining up with regular family mealtimes.

This means breakfast with the family (after  a breast/bottle feed), lunch with the family, and then dinner. Sometimes it is still easier to give your 12 month old dinner earlier, then let them have playpen time or similar while the rest of the family eats.

Most of their solid food will be the same as the family around now. So, regular cereal, sandwiches, and meat/vegetable dinner. Of course, while most 12 month olds have teeth, you will probably need to cut up (or puree) their tougher food for a while longer.

If you are breastfeeding then remember to breastfeed first, to maintain your supply.

At this age, our cute little babies can begin to be quite demanding and opinionated about their food!

Now is a time to think through where you want to go with this. If you are going to give your toddler choices about food, then hang on for a rough ride! They can be very fickle - seeming to like something one day, detest it the next. How will you deal with this? Most of the time, these likes and dislikes are more about being in control, than about taste.

In our family, we always give our children a choice - this or nothing! It has been handy to start going down this track, instead of backtracking with an opinionated toddler. This means that for our family, I might give my 12 month old a vegemite sandwich for lunch. If they ate it yesterday, but refuses it today, I do not go and make a different sandwich. They are either hungry, or not hungry!

This has been very helpful to us over the years, and now, while my children have preferences, they do eat everything without an argument.

Another possible area of dispute is the spoon.

I am happy to give my toddlers finger foods for lunch and snacks, but I maintain the feeding of breakfast and dinner until they are old enough to manage a spoon without lots of mess, or difficulty. This has come later - somewhere between 15 and 24 months, depending on the child.

If you have started using signing, then 12 months is an age where they will often start to ‘get it’. Using signing in the high chair to indicate ‘more’, ‘all done’ ‘thanks’, and ‘please’, has been very handy, and reduced the frustrating whining that can build up.

Likewise, teaching them to hold their hands down helps when trying to spoonfeed. When giving sandwiches or snacks, I give them to baby one at a time, rather than a whole plate - it often gets dumped on the floor! If they only have one thing to focus on, they are more likely to eat than play.

What to do when tantrums arise in the highchair?

I have found (through much trial and error!), that isolation at the first sign of trouble is the quickest way to deal with issues. I just pop them in their cot with an “Oh dear, back to your cot until you find your happy face.” While some days we have had a few trips to the cot and back, mostly they learn rather quickly that they behave in the high chair or they leave.

I find that at this age, it is easier to give all morning/afternoon tea snacks in the high chair, rather than roaming around. They are messy, and it helps teach self control to be sitting in the high chair for all food and drink.

Which brings me to the issue of snacks. Some parents find the need to give their 12 month olds snacks - morning and afternoon tea. If this fits with your routine, then that is fine. It’s especially handy if out and about to have snacks on hand.

However, I do not believe in grazing all day. When toddlers learn to graze - eat whenever they desire - it increases problems with whining, and tantrums. When I am able to say “Not now, wait till snack time”, they learn to be content and wait patiently until food time.

It may be appropriate to offer water at times other than snack times.

It may also be possible not to need to give a morning tea snack until they drop that morning sleep at around 18 months or so, and just offer them a drink of water before their nap instead.

Bottles. 12 month olds are mostly able to drink out of a sippy cup for milk, juice or water, rather than a bottle. Apart from illness, or some other unexpected happening, it has been helpful to lose the bottle around their birthday.

If you have been using formula, then cows milk may be used from now on.

Waketime.

They will now be up to longer waketimes.

Dividing their waketimes into time alone, time near mum, and time with mum helps to break up their day, and give them some consistency.

For time alone, the playpen is still handy 2x day. Rotate toys weekly to give variety. Watch the location - some babies have been happy to occupy themselves in the corner of the lounge room, but as they get older, the bustle of activity can be too distracting, and they need to be moved to another room, or bedroom, out of sight.

Another thing to watch out for - especially as they get more and more mobile, is how much time they have to wander around getting up to mischief. I have tried to minimise exploring time at certain times of the day in order to cut down on conflict. This has meant, getting them out of bed, changing nappy, and putting them straight in the high chair for breakfast (if they are still breastfeeding, I would feed them first, of course). Then, after breakfast, I take them straight to the playpen for 45 minutes or so. Then they can have some pottering around time until their nap soon after. After their nap, it’s highchair for lunch, and then some more play time. In avoiding times in-between activities where they are just wandering around, my babies have avoided getting up to too much mischief.

Time near mum includes time where they might play in their high chair with blocks or books, or some other toy, while you are busy in the kitchen. Or perhaps on the floor with some plastic containers. Or perhaps in the pram with some toys while you hang out washing. They are playing, but also interacting with mum from time to time.

Time with mum (and/or dad, siblings, friends, grandparents etc) is that special one on one time that we so enjoy with our babies! Singing, talking, dancing, reading, playing, doing puzzles are all fun things to do with our babies. With our first child, we will spend much of their waketime time with this, but as more children arrive, this time is divided up amongst siblings a little more. If you have several, or many children, don’t forget to spend some special time with baby everyday!

Sleeptime.

Our 12 month olds are best on 2 day sleeps/day. Each sleep should be around 1 1/2 or 2 hours long. They also will usually sleep 10-12 hours at night.

Sometimes issues arise when they seem to decide that they do not need 2 sleeps. They might sleep for the morning nap, but then refuse to go to sleep in the afternoon. Sometimes they cry and protest loudly, and other times they are quite happy - just not sleeping! Sometimes when they do finally go to sleep, it is at the end of the sleep time, so mum needs to decide whether to let them sleep or wake them up. If they sleep longer, then they struggle to go to sleep at bedtime. It can become a vicious cycle!

While it is a fairly common problem at this age, it is usually short lived. While many mums debate whether or not their baby is ready to drop a sleep, most discover that they are tired and grouchy in the late afternoon.

What to do? I have found the best solution is to put them to bed as usual. If they cry, then I would go in from time to time and resettle - “Lie down, it’s sleep time”. I would get them up near the end of their usual sleep time, and carry on as usual. Consistency here means that this phase usually lasts for just a few weeks. After that, they go back to sleeping their 2 naps again.

Another question sometimes arises regarding baby waking up early in the morning, or halfway through a nap, with a dirty nappy. Unfortunately, there isn’t often much that can be done about this, apart from changing them and putting them back to bed. Hopefully, it won’t last forever, and they will soon sleep through without the need for a nappy change. Sometimes a problem like this can feel like forever, when it is only a few weeks or months in the life of your child!

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The Next Few Months...

Where are you going with your baby during the next few months?

For many families, once that 12 month mark is reached, those rapid routine changes slow down. For the next 6 months or so (until the dropping of that morning sleep), much of your baby’s day might remain fairly constant.

The biggest battles, however, will come in issues of control. Who will be in charge of your toddler’s life? You? Or them?

I sometimes get questions at around the 14 month mark - “The wheels have fallen off!”

Very often, this is a case of baby gradually taking over the control of their days. This can happen without us even noticing! They want certain foods, they want to do certain activities, they want to go places. They get tired, but not put down for regular naps, they get up before they’ve had enough sleep. They are out and about too often, and can’t cope. They like things done in a particular way. Their way.

While it is certainly appropriate to listen to them, and consider their wants from time to time, when a pattern is established whereby they are always calling the shots - there will be trouble!

In these next few months, consider where you are going with your baby, and who is going to lead the way.

Having said that, they are delightful at this age - full of curiosity and learning. Enjoy them!

While you are enjoying them, consider training them.

In self-control (gaining control over some of their impulses to outburst). In obedience (responding to your call). In patience (waiting). In contentment (being thankful). And in responsibility ( ‘helping’ ).

Starting to look at ways to teach these things now, will greatly help in those months (and years)  to come, when they become very vocal, and even more opinionated! It will help to produce toddlers who really are terrific to be around.

Frequently Asked Questions...

Any tips for what we do to adjust her to our time when daylight saving comes?  She’s waking at the crack of dawn already!

Basically, it may happen gradually. Try stretching her 15 minutes /day, or so, until she is happy with the new time.

It will sort itself out in a couple of weeks. Being prepared for a couple of transition weeks, is half the worry gone.

When returning home (after no sleep), what strategies do you use to calm him back down enough to get him to sleep because he's so overtired???

If baby is so overtired that he can't calm down to sleep after being out, then some quiet cuddling, rocking, singing etc can be quite useful. Also, depending on his age, and what his routine is like, a breastfeed or at least a cup/bottle of water offered, can be something that helps them  settle. As long as it is not happening everyday, then this time of resettling is fine. Keep it calm, quiet, in his room. As he starts to get heavy, then pop him in bed for his nap. 

If you are out and about often, and this is a daily problem, then a rethink of your activities might also be helpful. While mums sometimes struggle to stay home, babies prefer it!

My 12 month old is on a bottle. When do I wean him to a cup, and how do I do that?

Most 12 month olds are quite capable of moving to a sippy cup from a bottle.

The advantages to changing now are that he will quickly get used to a cup, and forget the bottle, and it is much easier to clean.

The disadvantages to sticking with a bottle for longer are that baby becomes more attached to the bottle, making it harder to wean onto cup, and the bottle can be used more for comfort than drink, leading to bottles being carried around the house, and left in beds. This has been shown to contribute to tooth decay, as baby goes to sleep with sugary drink in his mouth.

So how to wean? Basically similar to weaning from the breast - one feed at a time. Start with lunch, then afternoon/dinner, and leaving morning or last feed to last. Just give baby milk in his sippy cup in the highchair with his meal. Keep bottles out of sight if baby is particularly attached to them.

Try to avoid putting baby to bed with a bottle, or other routines that will leave him wanting his bottle - like snuggles in bed. If you want him on the cup, then best to avoid temptation to think of bottle!

Once he has gone without bottle for a day or two, then matter-of-factly refuse any mention of it. The desire for bottle will pass quicker for baby than for mum!

My 14 month old is still having 2 breastfeeds /day (morning and night), but I am wanting to wean her, in order to boost my fertility so that I can conceive our next baby. She is very attached to these feeds - how do I wean her?

Well done on feeding for 14 months :)

Weaning your baby so that you can concentrate on regaining fertility is going to take some determination on your part. Do you want to wean, or would you rather breastfeed?

If you want to wean, then I suggest dropping one of your feeds, and replacing it with a sippy cup of milk (possible given to baby by dad), for 1 week or so, and then dropping the next feed.

It can help to only offer sippy cup of milk in the high chair, with meals (breakfast or dinner), so that she doesn’t associate the  milk with a comfortable cuddle and breastfeed.

Once you have moved to a sippy cup, then she should quickly get used to the idea - probably quicker than mum!

My baby is now 14 months. Sometimes he seems to want two sleeps, but he is often only sleeping for one sleep. But he is so unhappy! Also, he is throwing his blanket out of the cot. What do I do??

Oh dear! Those 14 month blues!

It is really common to have mucked up day sleeps at around this age. I always just put them to bed for the normal time. If they sleep great, if not, oh well, they get up at the right time (sometimes a little earlier) and move on. Usually quite grumpily until they give in and sleep again. Which they usually do eventually - so hang in there!

This is a time to watch some things during the day - keep a tight routine for activities (the more free roaming time, the more sleep time battles), make sure you are being consistent with instruction and  discipline ("no, don't touch", "Come to Mummy" etc), and not giving in to his demands (wanting a drink/food/toy etc) so that he feels like he is in charge. If he thinks he is in charge during the day, he will be more likely to be difficult at sleep time (when you are making him do something he doesn't want to do).

You can use your stern voice when going in to resettle him ("You must lie down, it is sleep time"), and try to avoid picking up his blanket everytime it is dropped - it is possibly only a test for you to see how long until you come in and pick it up!

My little one is now 15 months. We have had lots of disruptions in our household, and the wheels have fallen off! We have lost our routine, our day sleeps, and our happy baby - where do we start to get him back?

My thoughts are that the first thing to do is sit down and write out a plan for the day. Something to aim for.Here is a suggestion for a 15/16 month old - feel free to alter times and such to suit your own home.

7.am - up and breakfast. Breastfeed/bottle with mummy, then to the highchair. I recommend putting him straight into the highchair from bed, and straight into the playpen from high chair. Lessons opportunities for mischief!

Then playpen time. Somewhere where he won't be distracted by activity. Starting with 5 minutes, and working up to 45-60 minutes as he plays happily. Use your happy voice, regardless of his protests: "It's playpen time! Good Boy!", and "Playpen time is over! God Boy!".

Then some morning activities - outside time, books, free floor play. You can work out the order and such.

Morning nap - perhaps try 10.30/11-12? He may not be happy, but persistence will pay off! Try giving him a drink of water before putting him to bed.

12.00 - lunch

Now, if he has had a nap in the morning, then he can have some playtime - outside, books, floor play before his next nap at around 2 - 4.

If he didn't nap in he morning (because he protesteth too much, or you were out and about etc), then pop him to bed after lunch (12.30 - 3/3.30). Some stories, a drink and a cuddle, then bed.

After his afternoon nap (around 3-4?), he can have a snack, and some floor play.

Bath at 5.00, followed by more playpen time while you cook dinner.

Dinner at around 6, followed by snuggles, story and bed around 7-7.30.

It will mean being consistent with teaching him to obey your instructions during the day ( "don't touch!", "oh dear, we don't throw tantrums, off to your cot to find your happy face" and other things like that). You can't expect him to stay in bed, if he is in control of other things during the day!