What an unforgettable sight our newborns are.

I always get a sense of shock - wow, there really was a baby in there!

We spend so much time and energy focusing on prenatal classes to get us through labour, buying baby clothes and equipment, preparing our house and nursery, reading magazines of happy smiling mothers and babies, that we can forget that there is a lot more to having a baby than all that.

The vast majority of mothers don't give much thought to what they will actually do with their baby when it comes home. All the best labour advice, nice clothes, flashy stroller, and colour co-ordinated nurseries in the world will not give you a settled, thriving baby. There is more to it.

When my husband and I were expecting our first baby, we spent time looking around at the people we knew who had babies. What did they do? What were their babies like? How did they cope? What advice did they have?

The vast majority of parents were tired and frazzled. Their babies cried a lot. They stopped coming to church, or going out much. They fussed over their babies excessively. They were full of 'just you wait' stories. While they were happy with their babies, it all seemed like a major disaster was looming!

On the other hand, we observed that some parents were calm and relaxed with their babies. Their babies were calm, relaxed and thriving, and all round it seemed like they were enjoying the experience.

We decided to ask those parents what they were doing that made them different from so many other families we had observed.

The common factor amongst so many of those calm parents, was the way they were managing their babies. We learned so much from them! After many years of learning, and reading as widely as possible, I have become convinced that managing a baby on a routine has been the most important factor in our babies being calm and settled.

The information I share on managing newborns, and older babies is based on that learning from other parents, that I put into practice in my own home.

I hope that as a new mother, you are planning to breastfeed. There is much evidence from the scientific community, as well as anecdotal evidence, that breastfeeding is the healthiest, and most convenient way to feed a baby. It will take work, though, and will not always be easy. But hang in there - it is worth it!

For some mothers, breastfeeding will not be possible. Perhaps there is a problem with the baby. Perhaps mum just can't establish a supply. Perhaps an injury makes it too difficult. Perhaps social or cultural factors make it difficult. Fortunately, we live in an age where bottle feeding is available, and healthy, so your baby will still thrive.

Most of the tips I give here, though, will refer to breastfeeding. I do believe that bottle fed babies can thrive on the same routines and management as a breastfed baby, so hopefully there will still be much worthwhile to read here.

I will look at that first week of a baby's life in three  sections: feedtime, waketime, and sleeptime.

Feedtime.

Much of the first few days and weeks will focus on feeding your baby.

It is usually great if you can feed your baby soon after delivery. If you have had a caesar, or a difficult delivery,  then this may need to wait a little longer, but that's ok.

Your midwife will most likely show you how to feed that first time. However, once you are settled into your room, you will have plenty of opportunities to try to figure it all out.

I have written in detail some information on positioning, latching on etc, in the section "Breastfeeding Tips".

A few extra things to remember:

1. ★Keep baby unwrapped to feed, if possible, as wrapping a newborn will encourage them to sleep.
   

2. ★Some babies are really not very hungry  in that first day, and prefer to sleep. That's ok. Try to wake them every 3 hours or so for a feed.
   

3. ★If baby is so sleepy that it takes an hour to wake them, then wait 4 hours, rather than 3 hours. They will be more alert to feed. They may wake up a little more and decide to feed closer together in a few days.
   

4. ★Sometimes a baby will sleep through that first day, and wake hungry and ready to go the next day. that's fine - a chance for you to rest and recover!
   

5. ★Some babies are really hungry from the word go, and you may find yourself feeding them closer than 3 hours, That's ok. These babies often stretch out their feeds on their own after a few days or weeks.
   

6. ★Feeding will take longer in the first week - your baby is learning to attach and suck. Be patient, and enjoy lots of opportunities to sit and relax.
   

7. ★Try to keep feeds, however, to around 45 minutes max. Otherwise you will be totally exhausted. After that amount of time, wrap up your baby, and allow him to sleep for a time, so that he will have the energy to feed better next time.
   

8. ★It is usually a little unrealistic to plan all the times of your feeds in the first few weeks. That will come a little later. Hopefully, though, you will soon settle into a fairly regular cycle of feeds. If you have a sleepy baby, then waking them regularly will help your routine to become consistent sooner.
   

9. ★If you have an alert baby, then you will spend more time with them awake, and working on settling them. Sometimes babies are very efficient feeders from birth, and you can have more opportunities to see them with their eyes open!
   

10. ★Always offer both breasts at a feeding session, if possible. You want your breasts to be stimulated as often as possible, to encourage milk production. If baby feeds for a long time on the first side, then detach him after a time, and allow him to feed on the other side as well.
    

11. ★A baby can drain a breast in only 5-7 minutes, if he is suckling hard. A baby that stays attached for a long time, will tire easily, and not suck strongly.
    

12. ★After a feed, a baby should look full and content. Their eyes often roll back in their heads, and they look a little 'drunk'!
    

13. ★After a feed, and once your milk has 'come in', your breasts should feel drained, or less full.
    

14. ★Before your milk comes in, your breasts may not feel like they have milk inside, but they do. Hormones are wonderful for milk production, and it will happen in a few days. For some mothers it happens in just a day or 2, for other mothers, it can take 5 or 6 days. But don't despair - your baby is getting everything he needs.
    

15. ★A wise friend advised me to write down the time I feed the baby and place it on the fridge every day. This means that when I am feeling be-fuddled, I can have a look and see how my feeds are going for the day.
    

16. ★What to do about nights? Most babies will continue to wake round the clock for feeds, for a few weeks yet. Sometimes a mum might be concerned that she has a sleepy baby, who needs to be woken regularly, and so she might set an alarm, so that she can keep feeding regularly. It is best not to let them sleep longer than 5 hours or so in those first few weeks, to give your milk time to establish.
    

Waketime.

Your baby's first week may not be very wakeful! However, they will wake up at some time, and you can enjoy watching them look around, and gaze adoringly at you.

The basic routine that you may choose to follow, is feedtime, then waketime, then sleeptime.

This means, that after they have had their feed, they will have a time of being awake, until they are tired and have a sleep.

Your newborn will probably not spend much time awake in the first week. Some are even very sleepy for the first 3 weeks. Others are alert from the beginning.

After a feed, place them on the bed, chair or floor, unwrapped, and allow them to quietly look around them.

Try not to stimulate them too much during these early days - it will only tire them more easily, and they may struggle to sleep properly.

They should lie quietly for a few minutes, during which you can enjoy them! Once they have been awake for around 45 minutes (since you started feeding them), they will usually start to tire, and be ready for a sleep.

After a few weeks, they will be much more responsive during their waketime, so be patient.

Sleeptime.

Once they have had some time awake (or once they have finished their long feed, if they are a slow, sleepy feeder), then it is time for bed again. They are so tiny, they really do need lots of sleep.

Wrap them up nice and tight - this helps them to feel nice and secure, and stops them from startling themselves. Unwrapped babies so often struggle to get to sleep. Wrap them as tightly as you can, with their little arms up around their head (midwives are good at this). They should look like a cosy, squashed caterpillar! If you try to wrap them with their arms down, you might find they squirm out of their wrap.

Place them on their back or side, and allow them to fuss for a minute or 2, if they need to.

If they continue to remain unsettled, you can try to soothe them by rubbing their back for a few minutes, or until they stop fussing.

Try to avoid picking them up and putting them back down over and over these first few days and weeks. It is quite stimulating, and doesn't really help them get to sleep.

Also, try to avoid always allowing your baby to fall asleep in your arms. While it doesn't do any harm from time to time, if they learn that that is how they go to sleep, it can be difficult to break the habit down the track.

A wise friend advised me to try to put them down awake, if possible. My newborns have usually been very sleepy, so it hasn't always been possible during those first days and weeks, but it has been a handy bit of advice for me to remember, especially for later as they become more alert.

Extra Bits...

I have always preferred my babies to sleep in another room to me. While some of them have slept in my room, I have found that I sleep better if I can't hear them snuffling next to me! Babies are quite noisy when they sleep, and a new mother is so finely tuned into them , that she can constantly wake up each time her baby makes a noise.

Some mothers have their babies in with them because of a small house, other children, sickness, or whatever. That, of course, is fine - it is your baby!

Likewise, baby monitors have been unnecessary in my house (mine make a loud noise when they want to be heard!), but some people find a monitor helpful if they have a big house, or like to work in the garden while their baby is sleeping and such. Sometimes hearing every snuffly noise is not a help to a tired mum.

Dummies - Mothers often ask me about dummies (pacifiers).

It is really a personal decision for the parents. Some parents start out deciding they don't want one. Some of those change their minds. Other parents start out planning to use one, but then find their baby refuses.

I have chosen to use a dummy with all mine. I have found that my babies really like to keep sucking after a feed, even though they are not hungry. Using a dummy has been very soothing for them, and they have settled quickly after taking it. I have learned to restrict it to bedtime, though, rather than waketime, as they can sometimes become so dependent on it, that they loudly complain if it is taken away for a photo! I have also learned that after a few months, it is probably a good idea to wean them off it.

This is very much the choice of the parents, however, so you feel free to do what you wish.

Bathing - after arriving home from hospital, we have always bathed before the last night feed, usually around 11 pm. This has been a time that my husband can spend with the baby, before bringing him to me for a last feed for the night. My babies have always been very relaxed after a bath. They tend to feed well, then sleep well. However, this again is up to each family to decide how they will do this.

Nappy changing - I learned over the years that using commercial baby wipes was irritating my baby's skin. Instead, I used wash cloths dampened with warm water. This can then be tossed in a nappy bucket, along with cloth nappies (if you are using them), and then washed through the machine each night.

When I was out and about, I used baby wipes, however, because of convenience, but a damp cloth in a plastic bag is not too difficult to organise.

This is especially handy if your baby is struggling with nappy rash, or excema.

The Next Few Weeks...

The next few weeks will see your baby growing and changing so much.

You will start to  feel much more like your old self, and will enjoy moving around with much more ease after your big belly! If you have had a caesar, or difficult delivery, it will take a few weeks to feel normal, but it will happen in time.

Hopefully, they will settle into a fairly predictable routine of around 3 hours or so. Their waketimes will remain at around the 45 minute mark.

Your milk supply will establish and stabilise, hopefully will become a much more enjoyable experience.

Remember to look after yourself, too. Eat well - this is not the time to diet in order to squeeze back into your jeans. You won't be able to make healthy milk, and keep yourself healthy as well, if you are not eating well.

Drink, drink, drink! Lots of water is needed to prevent dehydration.

Slow down! Take it easy these first few weeks, and allow your body to have time to recover. Even if you feel well, you will cope much better if you are resting, rather than running around.

Rest! Always try to have a snooze during the day, to give you the energy to keep going through the night. You are now on call 24/7, so you will need to rest when you can. Your housework can wait!

Frequently Asked Questions...

My baby is 3 weeks old, but he was 3 weeks early. I am having trouble keeping him up for an hour of waketime - he just keeps falling asleep. Am I doing something wrong?

Many newborns are very sleepy, and have few moments of waketime in a day. Babies born even just a few weeks early have even more trouble staying awake!

For now, your baby will probably just feed and sleep, with perhaps one or 2 times in the day that they might stay awake for a short time after a feed. But that’s ok, because in another few weeks, you will probably find he wakes up much more, and is able to have some ‘play time’ with you.

Just remember too that premmy babies really don’t cope well with too much stimulation - it tires them out, and they tend to ‘shut down’. Also, feeding is very important for them to grow and gain weight, and this is where they need to put their energy. If we keep these little ones up for too long, or use up their energy ‘playing’, they will be too tired to eat properly, and not gain weight so well.

Patience!

My baby is 2 weeks old. He seems to be awake a lot! He isn’t settling well, and cries much of the day. What can I do?

There are several things to consider here.

Is your baby hungry? How is your attachment? Are you sure your baby is getting full feeds? If you are struggling with attachment, then it can be helpful to visit a Lactation Consultant who can observe you feeding, and see if there needs to be an adjustment made.

If you are OK with your attachment, then consider if your baby may need more feeds in his day.

If your baby doesn’t seem hungry – because he isn’t interested in added feeds, or he is gaining weight quickly, and has plenty of wet and dirty nappies, then it may help to look at his routine and sleeps.

If baby is over stimulated during his waketime, he will often struggle to ‘wind down’ to sleep. Check that the time that he is ‘up’ – ie, fed, burped, changed, cuddled – is not too long. 45 minutes or so is plenty for a newborn. Wrap him tightly, and spend a few minutes cuddling him gently to give him time to relax ready for sleep before putting him down. This does not mean cuddling him to sleep! He will do better in the long term if he can fall asleep on his own. Once he is calm, pop him into bed and give him 5 -10 minutes of fussing before picking him up to soothe and start again.

Try to avoid pacing the hallway with him – this is over stimulating, and doesn’t usually result in much beyond a tired mummy. He is better to fuss in his bed, so that he can have a go at self settling.

Patience – he will get there!

My baby 4 weeks old. He seems to have his days and night mixed up!

If your baby is happy to slumber all day, but party all night, then it is time to help him change things around. Consistently waking baby for regular 3 hourly feeds through the day, and popping him back to bed at that 45 minute (or so) mark, will help enormously. Resist the urge to let him sleep for irregular times through the day, or for as long as he wishes. Better a few days of unsettledness to get back on track, than another night of struggling to get him to sleep.