Before we have our first baby, the sound of a baby crying crying might be a little irritating. Or it might make us feel like we have to rescue it. Or we may not even notice it.

But the sound of our own baby crying has an unexpected impact on us mums. Our own baby is different. No mother likes to hear their baby cry - whether they are a newborn, or 12 years old!

However, reality is that our babies will cry. Some babies cry a lot. Some babies don't cry much at all. But all babies cry sometime. Sometimes for good reason - they are tired, or hungry, or dirty or hurting. Sometimes because something is seriously wrong. How do we tell the difference? And what do we do when they do cry?

When our baby starts fussing or crying, it is worth stopping and having a quick think, before reacting (either to stop them crying, or ignore them).

Are they hungry? Feed them.

Are they tired? Put them to bed.

Are they dirty? Change them.

Are they hurt? Comfort them.

Sometimes, crying is prolonged and unable to be explained. Days and nights are filled with crying.

This is not normal.

If your baby cries all the time, something is not right. If you are feeding him, and he is growing well, then he possibly isn't hungry, but he could have a tummy upset. He could also be over tired because he hasn't learned to put himself to sleep. Or there could be problem worth asking your doctor about.

If you are feeding your baby on a flexible routine, and he is growing well, then in my experience,  it is rare for him to be crying a lot.

A common questions from mums, however, is what to do with a baby that is not hungry, but having trouble sleeping. How to resettle them?

Unsettled Sleeps.

If you are sure your baby is well fed, and therefore not hungry, then it is possible he is over-tired.

This is probably the most common reason that babies cry - they get over stimulated easily, and they struggle to get themselves to sleep. Commonly, a tired baby will go to sleep initially, but then wake into their sleep and cry, unable to go back to sleep.

This is the particular common problem I am going to deal with here.

Once a baby starts crying into their sleep, I first check the clock - is it nearly feed time? If yes, then feed!

If it hasn't been long since their last feed, and you are sure he isn't hungry, then it is time to start resettling.

Consistency is always the key.

I usually suggest going in every 10-15 minutes or so (depending on the age of the baby. Younger babies - up to 6 weeks or so - might need to be settled every 5-10 minutes), to pick up, soothe, and put baby back down for another 15 minute stretch.  Sometimes you may need to spend quite a few minutes calming him down if he is really screamy - be patient.

If you suspect he is in pain/not feeling well etc, then get him checked out for your peace of mind.

Consistency with this usually works after 5 days or so.

The first day is the hardest, until baby gradually works out that he is supposed to be sleeping. By the end of a week, most babies are sleeping much better, with maybe one protest sleep cycle/day.

Now and then they may fuss on and off through to the next feed, sometimes they may stay awake but happy, and mostly they learn to go back to sleep.

Remember: we are training baby to put himself back to sleep on his own.

This skill will help for night time wakings also. If baby has been waking at night, then they will nearly always have a day waking problem that needs to be addressed first (whether it be feeding related, routine, or resettling problems). Once they can settle themselves during the day, the night usually sorts itself out.

Another common question relates to dummies (or pacifiers).

If your baby has been using one from birth, and it is not a problem (like having to go in 50 times to put it back in every time it falls out!), then I don't see a major problem with a baby having a dummy. If, however, it has come to an issue of enslavement, then it helps to think through how you want to use (or eliminate) the dummy.

Some folks go cold turkey - throw out the dummy, and manage an unhappy day or 2 until baby learns to settle himself. Other folks do a slow wean - limiting the dummy to putting baby to bed initially, but not putting it back if it falls out. Or putting baby to bed without dummy, but putting it in to resettle if baby wakes during nap and won't resettle. Some use the method of only ever buying newborn size dummies, so that baby finds it too difficult to keep sucking, and gives up naturally.

Some folks are happy to use dummies for longer, and that is fine too.

All parents are going to need to resettle their babies at some point. No baby is perfectly settled all the time. As a mum, it is a good idea to decide on a plan, and stick to it as much as possible, rather than change tactics every day. This will only confuse your baby.

Unsettled Waketimes.

The most common reason for a grumpy baby during his waketime is over-tiredness. If they have been fed, and had a play, and been happy, and are now fussing, then they are probably ready for bed.

The solution? Wrap them up (if they are still little), and put them to bed!

If they are really grumpy - perhaps you are out, or at Grandma's, or had a busy day, and they are really really cranky, then be sure to soothe them and calm them in your arms, before you lay them down to sleep. They need to feel relaxed and secure as they go down, or they will struggle to relax enough to go to sleep.

I do feel sorry for tiny babies when I see their parents bouncing their grumpy babies on their knees, trying to cheer them up, when they are so obviously tired!

Another reason for grumpy waketimes can be a baby that has learned to like being "entertained".

This is often a baby that has enjoyed the attention of their family, and protests loudly when they are ignored, even for a short time. Often these babies are charming when they are getting attention, but very noisy when they are left alone. When they cry, and someone fusses over them , it continually reinforces the pattern that has been created.

A helpful solution is to gradually extend the time away from baby, so that they learn to not be dependent on those around them for their entertainment. The pattern of play alone, play near mum, and play with mum (explained here) is also helpful for this baby. It creates a balance in his day, so that he gets plenty of attention, but it is balanced between playing alone, and playing near others.